Motherhood Wrecks Us, Then Transforms Us Into Something Even More Beautiful

I came across this photo yesterday as I was organizing boxes in the new baby’s room.

I should have reminisced about that night and smiled over how young my then-boyfriend, now-husband, and I looked.

Instead, I cried.

I cried because this girl and I have seven years and nearly forty pounds between us.

I cried because this photo was a reminder of how carefree I used to be.

I cried because it reminded me that I often don’t recognize myself; not physically, not mentally, not emotionally.

I cried because some days I feel like motherhood has stripped away the most definitive parts of me; like it has left me a skeleton of my former self.

Sometimes I miss her, that girl in the photo. Truthfully, though, never in a million years would I want to BE her again.

She was spontaneous and fun, sure. But she was also reckless and didn’t always make the most sound decisions.

She was slimmer and more toned, absolutely. But she also placed far too much value on appearance and not enough effort on her heart.

She was carefree and not weighed down by so much responsibility, it’s true. But she also didn’t know the joy of being a wife or the privilege of becoming a mother.

The girl in that photo lived an entire lifetime ago. She had a good life, but she didn’t know the true blessings of this life— not then, not yet.

Sometimes I feel like my metamorphosis into motherhood has been a losing of my former self, rather than a blossoming of a new version.

But that’s just what we do as mothers, isn’t it? We grow into something better. Something more beautiful.

Motherhood wrecks us. It tears us down and strips away pieces of our identity that we thought would be part of us forever. But oh, the way it builds us back up . . .

Stronger.

Wiser.

More compassionate.

It molds our hearts, minds, and bodies.

It refines us in the way that only the tiniest of souls have the ability to do.

I cried when I saw this photo, and I know it won’t be the last time those same tears fall. Maybe I’ll look like that girl again someday, or maybe I won’t— only time will tell.

But it's a fact that I’ll never be her again, and that’s the most challenging yet beautiful truth of my life.

We haven’t lost ourselves completely, mamas.

It’s just time we get acquainted with the new woman staring back at us in the mirror, instead of waiting for the old one to return.